How Can I Please My Husband Sexually?
Reader Too Good To Be True writes,
My husband is a wonderful, caring, sensitive man. He is attuned and generous sexually and we have a very fulfilling sex life. While he is creative and uses a variety of techniques on me, I feel stuck as to how to give him pleasure besides your typical penis-in-vagina sex. He does not like backrubs and full-body touching. He does not like receiving oral sex, saying it “doesn’t feel good” and he prefers intercourse. (I know it’s not just me, as he’s had several partners before we were together and says he’s never enjoyed it regardless of technique.) Same thing with handjobs. He’s also squirrely about anal stimulation and not really open to the idea. We’ve discussed our past and he’s never had any traumatic sexual experiences that might contribute to this. So what’s a girl to do?
Despite what some of my disillusioned male readers may think, you are a real person who wrote this in as a real question. I think that you suffer from something called Looking A Gift Horse In The Mouth Disorder. I’m partly kidding but partly not. There are a couple of issues going on here. One is that you likely feel insecure about your ability to please your husband because you have been with or heard of other guys that are into everything sexually and want to try all manner of sexual things. It can be an ego blow to women when their male partners aren’t adventurous in bed because of this media-driven caricature of men as sexually insatiable.
Men usually (but not always) do have a higher monogamous sex drive than women, because women’s sex drives go down in long-term relationships, and men have more testosterone. But that doesn’t mean all men are into everything. Your husband is into intercourse, which many women would be happy about, and was the majority of what most couples did till recently in our history; the ubiquity of porn makes everyone thinks they should be having oral and anal every day. Your husband sounds a bit rigid, yes, but you likely see that in his personality outside of sex as well. This is likely a Type A dude.
As for the other issue, it seems like you may be a people pleaser and uncomfortable with having too much of the focus on you. I suggest that you learn to enjoy it, as it seems like the best way for you to please your husband is responding to him with love and appreciation for all of his “creative” techniques. It may be that you also feel pressured by having the focus always on your enjoyment, but if he does have an orgasm from intercourse, then that isn’t fully the case. Either way, introspect about why you’re looking this gift penis in the, well, penis, and not just laying back and enjoying yourself.
Best of luck, and till we meet again, I remain, The Blogapist Who Says, Or Just Wait A Few Years And Have Some Kids And How To Introduce Your Husband To Anal Stimulation Will Likely Be The Lowest Priority In Your Life.
This blog is not intended as medical advice or diagnosis and should in no way replace consultation with a medical professional. If you try this advice and it does not work for you, you cannot sue me. This is only my opinion, based on my background, training, and experience as a therapist and person
How To Seduce Your Husband: A Practical Step-by-step Guide
Dealing with the ebb and flow of intimacy in marriage can be daunting at times. Many couples experience changes in their sexual life after marriage, and in some cases this affects women more than men. If you are a married woman and your husband has little or no interest in having sex with you, you are not alone. 40% of US women are not happy with their sex life, and in 21% of the cases, husbands are to blame. A third of women admitted that sex was better before marriage and 52% of women reported that they had better sex before they had kids. For many women, a healthy sex life is still one of the cornerstones of a happy marriage. If your husband doesn’t want to have sex with you, you could experience feelings of frustration, distress, and low self-esteem, which will, ultimately, affect your marriage in a deeper way. It’s fundamental that both partners work towards solving this issue, as blaming each other will not do any good. As a woman, you might be wondering if there’s anything you could do to make your husband want you more sexually. In this article, we will explore some useful advice that will help you understand men sexuality more and some tips on how to seduce your husband in bed.
How To Seduce Your Husband: Understand His Sexuality
Men sexuality has three fundamental characteristics, encompassing both physiological and psychological factors. These characteristics are visuality, identity and need.
1. Visuality. First of all, when it comes to sex, women and men are not quite the same. The fundamental difference is that women are emotional and men are visual. It’s no mystery that this difference manifests frequently during intimacy in most couples. For example, you might have noticed that your husband would keep his eyes open all the time during sex, while you like to close your eyes sometimes. Or he might want to keep the lights on, whiles you would prefer low lights or no lights at all. He focuses more on what he sees, you on what you feel. This is the first key thing that you need to understand if you want to learn how to seduce your husband.
2. Identity. For men, sex is about being a man. As silly as it sounds, men identify greatly with their sexual performance and they feel distressed whenever their sexuality is challenged.
For men, sexual desire is a must-have in order to qualify as a worthy male. However, the truth is that sexual desire is not predictable, and cannot be turned on “on command”, neither for men, nor for women.
This sometimes causes a fundamental conflict in men’s sexual identity, which may result in distress and shame when when he has no desire. If this psychological dissonance persists, one of the possible outcome can be loss of sexual interest in order to escape from the pressure.
3. Need. Another key difference between male and female sexuality is that men experience sex as a physiological need. Much like when you feel hungry, thirsty or sleepy, your husband’s body will tell him when he needs sex. The best way for you to relate to your husband’s feeling is the experience of milk build-up a few days after childbirth. But the human body is a very adaptable machine. The less a man has sex, the less semen is produced, and the less intense and frequent his sexual desire will be. So if your husband is losing interest in having sex with you, chances are things will only get worse. Unless of course you know how to spice things up and re-ignite his attraction for you.
How To Seduce And Please Your Husband In Bed Step-by-step
When it comes to seducing a man, all women are different. If that man is the husband, it is probably even more of a case-by-case matter. But based on some of the features of male sexuality that you are now familiar with, we can lay out a simple step-by-step guide that will help you seduce your husband, so that he will want you more sexually.
First, prepare the territory…
These first two preliminary steps will make sure your husband will be more interested in you generally. These are a must for all women that haven’t had sex with their husbands for a while, but they should be followed in any case just to maximize results.
1. Spend a little more time without him. Men like the chase, it’s a known fact. Go out with your friends more often, or simply dedicate more time to yourself and your hobbies. He will wonder why you are slightly less available, and that will make him want you more. It’s a subtle psychological trick. Do not overdo it, though, or you may end up making him jealous or even annoy him.
2. Learn something new. Get yourself involved in a new activity such as learning a new language, or playing an instrument. Doesn’t have to be anything difficult or complicated. Make sure you keep him updated and involved in your new hobby. The trick here is showing aspects of your personality that your husband might not be so familiar with. In this way you will arouse his interest in you as you will almost seem like a different woman to him.
Next, focus on your sex appeal…
Men love women that are confident with their body and in tune with their sexuality. This is because a woman who is 100% connected with her feminine identity is subconsciously perceived by a man as a better sexual partner and a suitable mother for his children. One of the most common mistakes that women make after marriage, and even more so after bearing children is losing touch with their primal female identity. Here’s the two most important things that you need to do to recover that lost connection and seduce your husband again.
3. Ramp up your sexiness. Remember the days where you were actually trying to seduce the man who is now your husband? While it’s not easy to recreate that vibe, one thing is certain: you knew how to be sexy for him. The key to seduce any man is being confident with the way you look and the way you talk to him. In marriage we grow accustomed to each other, and many couples “unlearn” how to be sexy for each other, or they take the attraction for granted. Don’t make this mistake. But don’t panic: you’ve already seduced this man. If you did it once, you can do it again!
Attraction is something that needs constant nourishing to flourish
3. Don’t forget to look at your best, and do this for you, not just for him. Eat healthy and exercise often. Don’t wear shabby clothes or big pajamas around the house. You don’t have to be all dressed up at home, but remember that home is where he sees you most of the time. Men sexuality is visual, and the more he likes what he sees, the more he will feel aroused. Don’t show too much, but keep the sexy factor high.
Now, switch your attention to his world…
The key to turn his desire switch back on is in the little sensuous gestures that you make everyday. You will need to “work on your craft” to escalate toward intimacy on a daily basis. Here’s a couple of tips to help you out:
4. Offer him massages. Especially after a long day at work, nothing will make a man happier than his wife offering him a massage. Learning how to give a massage could be one of the new skills you’ve been acquiring. Create the right atmosphere, with music, candles, and incense. It will come as an unexpected surprise, and will serve as an interesting foreplay. But it doesn’t even necessarily have to evolve into sex. It can just be a way to make him relax and will make your intimacy with him more interesting.
5. Touch him in a different way (both in and out of bed). The key for healthy long-term sex life is creativity. The moment you repeat the same actions over and over again during sex, that’s when you leave an open door for boredom to take over. This advice also applies during your daily interaction with each other. Touch his arm in a way you’ve never done before, or kiss him unexpectedly on his neck. Men love to be kept in a state of pre-arousal. He will be thinking about you while at work, and his desire to be in intimacy with you later on will be higher.
Finally, use your knowledge of his sexuality to your advantage…
This is why having an understanding of his sexual sphere is so important. Knowing exactly how to talk to his innermost sexuality as well as where and how to touch him can make the difference between a successful seduction and a not-so-effective one.
6. Take the initiative: men love to be seduced, so don’t be afraid of showing how caring and passionate you are. You are his wife, and if he chose you it surely means that he trusts you in being his “safe haven” in the bedroom. If there’s anyone he would want to feel 100% comfortable having sex with, that’s you. So, show him that you can offer him this safe haven whenever he needs to, and that he has nothing to worry about with you.
7. Know a man’s hot spots map and use it to please your husband in bed:
- lower lip and surrounding area
- neck and throat
- hip zone (right above the genitals)
- penis frenulum
- penis head
Pay attention to each of those erogenous zones. Use your mouth and tongue to give him pleasure by stimulating his hot spots with kissing and nibbling. Be gentle and sweet but keep the flow going. Don’t rush your moves and let the tension build up.
8. Compliment him on his sexual performance. His identity as a man is directly linked to his sexual desire and performance. Telling your husband how good the sex was will make him feel worthy and appreciated. And as a result he will want to give you more pleasure, more often.
I hope this simple guide will help you seduce and please your husband in bed. However, remember that efforts need to be made from his side too in order to restore sexual intimacy. Talking with him openly about this issue can go a long way. Sometimes, stressful periods can also be the culprit for lack of sexual interest. You should work things out together as a couple to solve these problems, and seek help if necessary. Caring for each other’s health and well-being is as important as making sure that intimacy is preserved in your marriage. In the end, love and affection for each other can be the biggest sexual turn-on of them all.
Want more? I have researched extensively all the e-books and courses online, and I personally recommend the one below, as it’s the most effective and comprehensive and has the best testimonials reviews from wives that have successfully restored the passion and intimacy in their marriage using the method.
Ivan Verr is a self-development & relationship coach, with a passion for helping singles and couples building a beautiful relationship.