Why Does My Husband Really Want A Divorce? Here’s Some Potential Reasons
I often hear from wives who have been served with divorce papers or whose husbands have told them that they want to end the marriage. And, much of the time, the husband will not give concrete reasons as to why he is doing this. The wife will be determined to find out his reasons for the divorce, but often she will get vague answers like "I’m just not happy being married anymore." Or " I just think our marriage is over." Another one is: "it’s just not there for me anymore."
These sorts of statements can frustrate and infuriate wives. They often don’t think these explanations even begin to cut it. And, the wives often want the reason why he wants a divorce so that they can use that same reasoning to change his mind. I often hear comments like "I just don’t understand why he wants a divorce. Things really aren’t that bad and if we worked together, we could get back on track. If he would just be honest with me, I could deal with this. I could handle anything if he would just be forthcoming."
I understand how frustrating this is as I dealt with this situation myself. You think that if you could just understand his thought process, you could discuss this rationally and eventually change his mind. The thing that most women don’t understand is that often, the husband isn’t completely sure why he wants a divorce. He just knows that something is off and this is the way he’s going about fixing it.
But, I do hear from a lot of the men in this situation to and there are definitely some common threads. I will tell you some common reasons men give for wanting a divorce in the following article.
Men Sometimes Focus On Physical Changes That Lead To Them Wanting A Divorce, But They Are Affected Emotionally Also: Many women will assume that when a man wants a divorce, he has another woman or that he wants to date around. And this is sometimes true. But just as often, men will tell you that the spark is gone. They will tell you that the physical chemistry is no longer there and that they feel like a roommate to their wife rather than a spouse and lover.
When wives hear this, they get very angry. They will respond with things like "well it’s hard to be all over each other when you have sports and homework with the kids and a job and house to attend to. I do the best I can but my schedule is very demanding and he’s just being selfish."
Honestly, both sides are very valid. Men often don’t examine their reasoning or even stop for a second to ask themselves if it is fair or valid. Eventually, they just respond to what has been bothering them and to what they often hoped would change but didn’t. I’m not saying their reasoning is right. I’m just trying to explain so you at least have some understanding when he isn’t giving it to you.
And quite often, there is more going on than just a physical change. Often, if you dialogue with these men for more than a few minutes, you will find that they are reacting to a change in an emotional connection as well. You will often hear things like "she used to make time for me. But now she’s always rushing and it’s like I’m not even there." Or "she used to laugh at and listen to what I said. She used to think what I had to say was interesting. Now, I feel like she rushes me or she doesn’t even listen. I fell like she’s more interested in the kids or her friends than me."
Most Of The Time, Avoiding A Divorce Means Reestablishing The Intimacy And Connection: Many people will point to broad problems as the cause of their divorce. They’ll tell you it’s money or sex or another person. But I maintain that most every reason for a divorce ultimately boils down a break down of the intimacy and connection. Because if two people are feeling connected and as part of a team, then the external things do not sway them as much because they are still invested.
It’s when the disconnect takes hold that the other issues seem so much bigger or insurmountable. I often tell wives facing a divorce to not focus so much on pinpointing the exact reason that he wants a divorce. He doesn’t always know and there are often a combination of reasons that all lead back to a loss of intimacy or connection somewhere along the way.
Often, if you can work to gradually reestablish a relationship that leads back to a connection and eventually intimacy, you’ll see that those other issues fade to the background and don’t matter nearly as much anyway.
15 Brutally Honest рџ™ЏрџЏј Signs Your Husband рџ’Ќ Wants a Divorce рџ’” .
He was supposed to be by your side til death parted the two of you, but lately you wonder if you are spotting signs your husband wants a divorce. Sometimes signs are merely red flags that there are serious issues that need to be addressed, and sometimes they indicate that your husband is ready to leave you. If you recognize the following signs your husband wants a divorce, it’s time to have a long heartfelt talk with him to sort things out.
1. Ignoring Problems
The two of you may be fighting a lot lately or perhaps avoiding conflict altogether. One of the warning signs your husband wants a divorce is when he isn’t interested in discussing issues that are affecting your marriage. If he’s given up on the relationship, he may feel it’s pointless to argue with you. He isn’t interested in solving marital problems because he is doesn’t see himself in the relationship much longer.
10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce
You know things are not going well for you and your spouse. Your partner did seem stern, aloof and resentful that last time you spoke to each other. Like always you expect them to come around, let go of the steam and become their normal self with time. Instead, one day, you come home to find their clothes missing from their cupboards and a piece of paper on the dinner table- a divorce notice.
Do you think this scenario could transpire into your life?
It’s not uncommon that couples start to fight and make up…fight and make up, until one day they fall apart for good. Don’t neglect your relationship issues, you never know, your relationship could be treading towards rocky roads too!
What are the real reasons for divorce?
Infidelity, lack of communication, financial troubles, sparing sessions of sex and intimacy are some of the reasons for divorce.
Let’s look at the 10 most common reasons for divorce and hope that you can learn from the mistakes of others.
Top 10 Reasons for Divorce
Extra-marital affairs are responsible for the breakdown of most marriages that end in divorce. This is one of the most common causes of divorce. The reasons why people cheat aren’t as cut and dry as our anger may lead us to believe.
Anger and resentment are common underlying reasons for cheating, along with differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy.
Infidelity often begins as a seemingly innocent friendship, says cheating expert Ruth Houston. “It starts as an emotional affair which later becomes a physical affair”.
Money makes people funny, or so the saying goes, and it’s true.
Everything from different spending habits and financial goals to one spouse making considerably more money than the other, causing a power struggle can strain a marriage to the breaking point. “Money really touches everything. It impacts people’s lives,” said Emmet Burns, brand marketing director for SunTrust. Clearly, money and stress do seem to go hand in hand for many couples.
3. Lack of communication
Communication is crucial in marriage and not being able to communicate effectively quickly leads to resentment and frustration for both, impacting all aspects of a marriage.
On the other hand, good communication is the foundation of a strong marriage. Yelling at your spouse, not talking enough throughout the day, making nasty comments to express yourself are all unhealthy methods of communication that need to be ditched in a marriage.
Practicing mindful communication, to change age-old marriage mistakes, can be hard but it’s well worth the effort to improve and save your relationship.
4. Constant arguing
From bickering about chores to arguing about the kids; incessant arguing kills many relationships.
Couples who seem to keep having the same argument over again often do so because they feel they’re not being heard or appreciated. Many find it hard to see the other person’s point of view, which leads to a lot of arguments without ever coming to a resolution.
5. Weight gain
It may seem awfully superficial or unfair, but weight gain is a common reason for divorce.
In some cases a significant amount of weight gain causes the other spouse to become less physically attracted while for others, weight gain takes a toll on their self-esteem, which trickles into issues with intimacy.
6. Unrealistic expectations
It’s easy to go into a marriage with lofty expectations; expecting your spouse and the marriage to live up to your image of what they should be.
These expectations can put a lot of strain on the other person, leaving you feeling let down and setting your spouse up for failure.
7. Lack of intimacy
Not feeling connected to your partner can quickly ruin a marriage because it leaves couples feeling as though they’re living with a stranger or more like roommates than spouses.
This can be from a lack of physical or emotional intimacy and isn’t always about sex. If you are constantly giving your spouse the cold shoulder, then know that over time it can become the ground for divorce. Making your relationship intimate and special is the responsibility of both partners. Practice little acts of kindness, appreciation and enjoy physical intimacy as much as possible to sweeten your relationship.
8. Lack of equality
When one partner feels that they take on more responsibility in the marriage, it can alter their view of the other person and lead to resentment.
Every couple must negotiate through their own and unique set of challenges, and find their own way of living together as two equals who enjoy a respectful, harmonious and joyful relationship.
9. Not being prepared for marriage
A surprising number of couples of all ages have blamed not being prepared for married life for the demise of their relationship. Divorce rates are highest among couples in their 20s.
Almost half the divorces occur in the first 10 years of marriage, especially between the fourth and eighth anniversary.
Physical or emotional abuse is a sad reality for some couples.
It doesn’t always stem from the abuser being a “bad” person; deep emotional issues are usually to blame. Regardless of the reason, no one should tolerate abuse and be removing yourself from the relationship safely is important.
No marriage is easy.
Even couples with the best intentions are sometimes unable to overcome their challenges and end up in courtrooms. That’s why it’s important to address issues in your relationship early on. Don’t wait until they are beyond fixing. Practice kindness, make intimacy a priority, go on holidays and seek marriage counseling (even when things are fine) to preserve the health and longevity of your relationship.
Try your very best before you decide that things are beyond your control and it is time to give up. That way you can have the peace of knowing you tried all of the alternatives before the big step.