Why do ex husbands want to be friends
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From my experience and observation, many exes want to stay friends. There doesn’t have to be anything conscious behind it. Maybe it’s just something to say. Maybe they just don’t want to think that there’s someone out there who knows them well who is an enemy, or refuses to relate to them.
After a great deal of unpleasantness with a breakup, and more unpleasantness where I went back and forth on this when he wanted to be friends, I told myself it’s better to be friends. Well, I almost felt obligated, he had sent an expensive, wrapped Christmas gift to my whole family, and some previous hysteria on my part when I said I didn’t want to continue communicating, and I felt ridiculous not acknowledging it, or returning it. I had some doubts, wondering if I wasn’t being selfish, only contacting an ex when I wanted a friend, and otherwise not wanting to deal with it.
I called after New Years. It immediately went to voice mail. And I called back a little while later, same thing.
Normally, I might shrug, and say, okay, I’ll leave a message. But knowing how unusual it was for him not to pick up, my mind starting going off in different, unhappy directions, after nearly a year of not worrying about things like this.
Is something wrong?
Is he screening my calls?
Is he with someone else?
Did I do something that he’s angry about?
I called back the next day, and he answered this time. He said that we frequently had phone problems in the past, he didn’t know why it went to voice mail, and there weren’t any missed calls that he could see.
I asked how he was doing. He said fine. He said he meant to call the other day, but something came up, he didn’t remember what it was. He was going out with his son, using the new chainsaw his son had bought him for Christmas. It was too expensive a gift, he said.
What did you get your kids? I asked.
The son, he had bought a weight set, and some computer gear. The daughter…he trailed off. “I don’t remember,” he said finally.
We ended the conversation amicably, and as I hung up the phone, I told myself, never again. This is pushing my limit of credulity that I’m not being manipulated in the world’s dumbest drama, the one where I care what he got his daughter for Christmas.
Notice where I start though, that there’s no mystery behind why people want to stay friends. 🙂