Courtship, Marriage and Love – Myths and Mysteries
"I resent my husband." "We are growing apart." This is where you will find explanations and strategies for happiness. Relationships can be tough but there are solutions. Roland is now retired but he still has lots of online resources to check out.
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Why Do I Resent My Husband? Is There a Counselor Who Specializes in this Issue?
"This is serious business, says Dr. Roland Trujillo who has been counseling people and helping them deal with unforgiveness and stress for over 25 years.
Resentment may seem like a little thing, but it is not. Resentment can ruin your relationship and it can ruin your health. It can also ruin your life.
That’s why I have placed 27 of my most popular articles online free (look for the Ezine articles Badge in the right sidebar) and have reduced my most recent relationships book Putting the Forever Back in Love to less than $5.00. (all funds are used to help others with free services like my radio program and relationship blogs.
I need to get the word out about resentment and how to overcome it.
The wife who admits she resents her husband and is looking for answers is taking an important step. My work on the correlation between stress, resentment and emotional unhappiness has made me the go to person when it comes to this issue."
The following are excerpts from one of my most popular articles "What is the Number One Cause of Divorce" and which is also a chapter in my new book The Myths and Mysteries of Marriage
Are you stressed out? Have you noticed that when you are resentful, you become more sensitive to life’s little issues? When you are stressed at work, do you come home and easily lose patience with yo ur kids? Do you come home and resent your husband over some little things that he does?
Do you get angry at slow traffic or slow grocery lines? Would terms like "exasperated, nervous, irritated, or impatient" describe you?
If so, you are probably over-reacting. And the worst reaction of all is that of resentment. It sets you up for becoming increasingly sensitive to what you might otherwise take in stride. . . . . . . . . . . .
I can honestly tell you that the number one reason for marriage break ups and relationship problems is resentment.
. I understand why people become resentful. When things aren’t going well or when others don’t seem to understand us or our needs, that’s when we need love, patience and understanding the most.
We don’t have it within because we are already destabilized and not in our center. So we look for love and understanding from others. And when they don’t have it: we become resentful.
What I have discovered in my 21 years of writing and talking to people about resentment is this: when things aren’t going right, we look to change things on the outside.
And of course our most frequent first choice is to try to change the our partner. But you have found that this doesn’t work. Whether it is your partner, your child, or your parent–trying to change another person makes things worse. Either peopl e resist our manipulations and rebel; or else they fall for our manipulations and become weak and dependent.
So here is the answer. Instead of looking to the outside for love, or looking to the outside to try to change someone, I have found that it is most helpful to first look at two things: one, our resentment; and two, our over-reactions that destabilize us in the first place.
Another thing–resentment ushers in a cascade of emotions, like anger, frustration, unhappiness, and bitterness. It can also lead to suppr ession and repression, guilt, and feeling trapped. Then there are the physical symptoms that are contributed to by resentment.
Bottom line: a lot of times when we don’t like ourselves–it is actually resentment that is the initiating factor. Sooooooo, if you could just let go of the resentment . . . .
If you could learn to stand back and observe others without resentment or upset–understanding, patience and compassion could enter the picture. Secondly, you would begin to see clearly (when the emotional fog has cleared) what is really going on. So you could make better, calmer, and reasonable decisions.
"A good marriage is the union of two good forgivers."
— Ruth Bell Graham.
People often say it is hard to let go of resentment. l can show you how to let go of resentment. I even have a little free meditation that helps you calm down and get started.