Why does husband beat wife
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I just read the Quora elaborated portion in the comments section and am keeping those very details in mind while answering.
I am also basing this entirely on Indian laws and not on other countries. But remember each country has a law around domestic violence.
Before suggesting remedies I would like to address some emotional and psychological issues that women suffering from domestic violence face:
- Women feel unsafe all the time in the one place they should be feeling safe. Ie their own home! Women should be feeling safe at home – but in matters of domestic violence – that’s the one place which scaares them
- The perpetrators make the victim out to be the person to blame for the violence by saying you provoked me by your actions, so I hit you. And the victim starts believing that. She starts giving reasons why “she made him hit her” – this is a form of acute gas-lighting.
- The sheer shame of coming out in the open in today’s modern and connected world. Social Media is turning out to be bane in many cases. Women fear large scale stigma.
- The fact that ALL family members on both sides teach the woman to “adjust” she starts questioning her own sense of preservation. She starts believing that she needs to “Adjust” and that its normal to be hit.
- The funny bit of the whole cycle is – when a woman does have enough and goes to the Mahila Thaana – there too she is asked to go back home and adjust by the Police. This makes her even more fragile. The protectors themselves become the finders of justification in the husband’s violence.
Keeping in view these realities – I am suggesting the few quick actions which the woman must take.
- Speak to your nearest and dearest friends or colleagues or family – whom you know shall understand the situation and stand by you
- Arm yourself with knowledge of the nearest Police Station and Hospital numbers. Ensure that you have the mobile and quick reach number for the Police.
- Speak to a lawyer
- Speak to a mental and emotional Councillor
Please have the victim READ the below suggestions:
After being armed with the knowledge of the law and your rights – you need to confront your husband.
- The confrontation should not be alone – ensure you have the safety net of either a public place or your friend or lawyer should be present.
- Domestic Violence perpetrators are bullies! They shall try to cover you down! The presence of the neutral person or a person with authority will ensure that you feel stronger and that he doesn’t act out.
- Ensure that you do NOT go back home alone after the confrontation.
- You need to ensure that you have people around you and he needs to know that you have told these people!
- You also need to ensure that in the confrontation you clearly tell him that you are going to goto the Police and are also willing to take the final step of going in for a Divorce if he continues abuse. Divorce in the Indian context is the weapon which many a Domestic Abuser wields saying that if you dont comply, I shall Divorce you. And the life of a female Divorcee in India is full of social Stigma. He needs to be told that you are willing to take that stigma head on.
Dear DV (Domestic Violence) Victim – just remember you are the victim so long as you put up with abuse!
The Indian laws protect you!
But you need to take a stand yourself!
You also need to ensure that you have the correct kind of support system around you, of friends and family who shall stand up for you.
In case you don’t, please approach the nearest NGO dealing with DV – and ask for help.
I hope you are able to come out of this situation!
In case you need a one on one discussion – ping me!