Here Is Why A Husband Gives His Wife Encouragement To Be An Adulteress
Photographer: Barbara Nitke
I believe it’s safe to say that all married women have fantasized, at least once, about having sex with another partner during their healthy, happy, and loving marriage. Her fantasy may be a secret affair with a celebrity, someone at the office, or perhaps just a sexy and willing figment of her imagination. Most women never act on these (normal, healthy) impulses, but some couples do — in a totally consensual way. The husband gives his wife permission and encouragement to have sex with other men, while he stays faithful only to her. It’s called Cuckolding, and many committed, loving, and trusting married couples engage in it.
The word "cuckold" derives from the name of the cuckoo bird, which has a habit of laying its eggs in other birds’ nests. The association and the sexual implications are common in medieval folklore and literature, although the older usages usually imply that the husband is unaware of his wife’s adultery. In modern fetish usage, a cuckold is compliant in his partner’s sexual infidelity. Not only is the cuckold partner happy about and sexually excited by the adulterous act, they also often pick out her outfit for the night, shop for jewelry for her to wear, arrange the hotel accommodations and supply the condoms.
A cuckold, then, is traditionally the husband of an adulterous wife, and the wife who enjoys cuckolding her husband is frequently called a "hotwife" or a "cuckoldress."
Working as a fetishist, I have role played the hotwife in many sessions with clients who either have a cuckolding fantasy, who are no longer in a cuckolding relationship but still crave it, or who want to talk while their hotwife is out on a date.
One client expressed his feelings about being in such a relationship with particular eloquence:
"I never would have dreamed that my beautiful, church-going, subservient wife of more than 25 years would call my bluff and be excited about my cuckolding fantasy. Yes, she is church-going and PTA-attending, a doting soccer mom, educated, professional, worldly, and the sweet and innocent lady next door who no one would never suspect had a deep craving to experience new, different, and varied sexual experiences with other men of all ages.
It started out innocently a few years ago when we used fantasy role play in the bedroom to keep the embers burning. One weekend while the kids were away, we slowly stepped away from our normal vanilla world and started to explore and indulge in my deepest desires. Ever since the first affair, my wife has the "power" in the relationship, and she loves it. We’re now playing by her rules, which means playing with others outside our marriage, but no play for me."
Photographer: Barbara Nitke
In all relationships, however, there are many perspectives, and each person’s emotions, thoughts, and beliefs take frequent twists and turns. Cuckolding is not for everyone. For some hot wives, what seems at first like a "have your cake and eat it too" arrangement turns into feelings of confusion.
One hot wife explains,
My new husband and I have always enjoyed our sex life. We have been together for five years now, and our sexual energy together still feels electric. Then, out of nowhere, he told me one day that he wanted to catch me in the act of having sex with another man. Literally. Although I have zero sexual attraction to other men, I agreed to try it out. The question then became where to find a willing male participant. After weeks of talking to trusted friends, we ended up on a swinger’s site and found many eager seekers.
Immediately, my husband became way more interested in sex with me. At first I absolutely loved it, although I was curious about why this turned him on so much. When I asked him, he explained, "I think it’s because I always felt a lot of rejection from girls as a young man and even as I got older. I worry that the women I have close relationships with might leave me for other men, and acting it out in a controlled environment actually makes me feel safe."
He knows I would never leave him, but he likes to imagine that I’m a dirty girl who likes to have sex all the time with strangers behind his back. He even likes it when I sext with guys while we’re having sex together so he can read it.
So, how is this for me? I have done this a few times for him now, and I’ve found that I do not physically or emotionally enjoy the sex with other men. I am able to go through the motions and act like I love it. I have yet to achieve an orgasm during sex with someone else. Usually after we’ve played, he claims his interest in me having sex with other men has started to wane, but then, after a few weeks, it always returns. I have now refused to do another cuckold scenario until he’s willing to fulfill some of my fantasies as well, although that has not yet happened. He keeps getting stuck on this same cuckold fantasy. I suppose it must be amazing for him, but it does nothing for me.
In the end, as always, it depends on you and your partner. If one or both of you has a cuckold fantasy, it’s worth talking about. Indulging this fantasy has the potential to improve your relationship and make you stronger as a couple, but it takes careful planning, communication, and honesty throughout the whole process. And, if you’re curious but don’t want to go all the way with a stranger, try role playing a cuckold scenario first! Remember, no matter what, you are in control, and you have the freedom to explore your sexuality however you want. As long as you keep an open mind and communicate well, you and your partner can be happy together no matter how adventurous or vanilla you decide to be!
Why husband love wife
I work in the field of infidelity, so I’ve heard this story from a variety of husbands.
Often the story starts out like this:
“I’m in love with my wife, but I’m having an affair because________.”
When I start to dig deeper into the details, there are any number of justifications offered. For example:
- She’s gained a lot of weight.
- She’s clinically depressed and she’s lost her libido from her meds.
- We’ve been together for 30 years, love each other very much, but we haven’t been sexual for the past decade.
It’s important to distinguish “an affair” from polyamory. I’m referring to the former and not the latter. And by “affair” we’re talking about someone having secret sexual encounters—not condoned by the spouse.
Q: “Can a husband be in love with his wife while having an affair?”
Yes, he can. Sort of. Maybe.
If someone believes that it’s possible to love more than one person at the same time (which arguably is true) then yes, a husband can be in love with his wife while he’s in bed with another woman.
Though while we’re at it, I’d like to point out the difference between "being in love with someone" and simply "loving someone". Being in love with someone is often thought to be qualitatively different than loving someone in the sense that being *IN* love is often seen as a highly romantic state of mind, while loving someone can be applied to a spouse, one’s sister or parents—or even to one’s Golden Retriever.
The question, as presented, refers to "being in love" as opposed to simply "loving someone". Generally, it is far less likely that someone who is "in love with someone" would have the mindset to cheat, whereas the simple act of loving someone wouldn’t necessarily preclude falling in love with someone else at the same time. Simply put, if I’m in love with you, it is FAR less likely that I would want to cheat on you.
(And by the way, everything in my reply here applies equally to wives being in love with their husbands while having affairs too).
Also: The husband can be in love with his wife while not being in love with his mistress, and a wife can be in love with her husband while also not being in love with her lover.
The problem often starts revealing itself at the beginning of the conversation, when the client starts off like this:
“I know you’ve worked with a lot of people, but my situation is unique and something you’ve never heard before.”
After which, the person starts to elaborate and it then generally becomes clear that their situation is nearly identical to hundreds of others I’ve heard about. The only differences often lie in the details.
I guess everyone likes to feel that their situation is “different”. The similarities are generally more common than the differences though, in my experience.
Why would anyone who is “in love with” their spouse cheat?
12 Reasons Why I Love My Husband
Karen Hellier is a freelance writer and eBay entrepreneur. She lives happily in the mountains of North Georgia with her husband and her dog.
Maybe it’s because it’s February and Valentine’s Day is still in the air, but I am feeling quite romantic and wanted to share that with the rest of the world. In an age where so many are cynical about marriage, I want to lift marriage up as a place, where two people can find the place where they can truly be themselves. to love, bloom and grow into the person they were meant to be.
Here are the top twelve reasons I love my husband (there are more, but seriously, how much time do you really have to read an article?) These are not in any particular order because they all combine to make him who he is, and I appreciate every last one of them!
1) He gives me unconditional love.
Although many people have used the Bible verse from first Corinthians for their weddings, I wanted to make sure it was read in ours because Chuck really does embody all of these characteristics of love. I have never met anyone like him before, and am constantly amazed by how well this verse fits him, and how he loves me unconditional and accepts me for who I am without trying to change me, even when I do things that annoy him:
"Love is patient; love is kind. It does not envy; it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails."
2) He is thoughtful.
And not just to me. He is thoughtful in that he thinks ahead and does things that will make my life easier. It always surprises me too because I am so not used to this. When he sees articles in a magazine or in the newspaper that he thinks I will be interested in, he saves them or rips them out to show to me later. It makes me feel good that he is thinking of me even when we are apart for work, travel, etc. He makes the coffee every morning and doesn’t mind that I sleep till 8:15 a.m. even though he gets up an hour earlier every morning. He is nice to my relatives, in a genuine way, not in the obligatory way that some husbands are. He is even thoughtful toward my parents and calls them on his own sometimes just to talk and check in with them, see if they need anything, etc.He treats me to my favorite things when I am not expecting them. a gift card to my favorite coffee spot just because he knows I love their coffee, a subscription to a magazine he knows I like, etc.
3) He makes me laugh.
Since I met him, this man has made me laugh in a way no one else can. He is a great story teller, and he tells everyone that I laugh at all of his jokes, no matter how many times I hear them. But it’s just that he is THAT GOOD when telling them, and I love to hear them every time. He has a quick wit as well and can use a play on words in such a way that I am still laughing about something he said the day before. Last night he said something that was so funny it made my stomach hurt, in a very good way!
4) He is affectionate.
I love to touch and be touched. I love feeling that connection to my man, and it doesn’t bother me if we are in public or at home. It doesn’t bother him either, and we do have our share of PDA. I just enjoy being with him, and feeling his presence through all of my senses. sight ( he’s handsome), sound ( I love the sound of his voice, especially when he whispers sweet nothings in my ear!), touch ( it makes me feel good to be connected to him even just holding hands), smell ( I love his natural scent, but he also wears Polo which sends me through the roof!) and taste ( kissing that is).
5) He is a Christian.
I have been in an unequally yoked marriage, and it just didn’t work because we were not coming from the same place regarding our beliefs and values. Chuck and I have the same belief system and enjoy going to church together and talking about our faith, which is an important part of our lives as individuals, and therefore a very important shared part of our marriage.
6) He is honest.
When I was a teenager, a good friend and I had this pact that when we said to each other,’You have to be honest" we would tell each other the truth. about how our hair looked, our newest sweater, etc. Chuck can do that with me too, and it is such a relief to know when we are discussing something serious, and we need to be honest with each other, that we can pull out that phrase and get the truth, even if it is a bit painful to hear. But it clears the way for honesty and helps us make better decisions in our marriage.
7) He is protective of me.
Recently, the movie, "The Bodyguard" has been on TV due to the untimely death of Whitney Houston, the star of that movie. I remember when I first saw that movie, it made me sad. I wished that I had someone who loved me that much. enough that he would take a bullet for me. And he would protect me at all costs. I have found that in Chuck. Of course, I don’t want him ever to have to, but he does watch out for me and is concerned that I am safe. And I know if it came right down to it, he does love me enough to take a bullet for me. (And I would do the same for him.)
8) He is handsome.
Okay, so of course I need to put this in here because let’s face it, chemistry is very important in a relationship. But he has the most beautiful blue eyes that can look into my eyes and see into my soul. And when he smiles, my heart lights up. When other women tell me he’s handsome, I smile inside, because I know it as well.
9) He is passionate.
Okay, this hub is not x rated so let me just say that yes, he is passionate in that area, and that’s all I am going to say about that. But he is passionate about other areas of his life as well. He is passionate about his work, his boat, wine, traveling, good food, family. Whatever he is interested in, he brings a passion to it that is exciting to watch. And makes me excited to be with him and sharing his passions.
10) He just "is that into me. "
I’m sure you’ve heard of the book and the movie, ‘He’s Just Not That Into You." Well, in my case, I am very fortunate because I have found a man who just IS that into me! I can tell by the way he treats me, and acts around me, and says to me, that he is "into me," and more importantly, he "gets" me. I have dated some people who just didn’t understand me, my true essence. They haven’t understood, and have never wanted to put in the energy to try. I am not the typical woman, or so I have been told, and that’s fine with me. But Chuck understands that and lets me be who I am without trying to change my idiosyncrasies and dreams. What freedom there is in that!
11) He encourages my dreams.
I am a huge goal setter and if I set a goal and don’t quite make it, I just adjust my goal somewhat or come up with a new one. Some people in my life have doubted me. They tell me that I "never" reach my goals, (not true) or that I move on to new things quickly. I do move on to a new goal if something I tried has not worked out. Chuck encourages that in me and doesn’t try to make fun of my goals. including to become a writer. I could not ask for a better supporter in this area.
12) He is a true gentleman.
When I was younger, it didn’t matter to me if someone I was dating held the door for me, or helped me put my coat on in a restaurant, or opened the car door for me. I was of the belief that women were equal to men and that we didn’t need to have doors held open for us or help with our coats, have help carrying the heaviest bags after shopping, etc.. We could do these things for ourselves. we aren’t invalids. Now that I am older, I still believe women don’t NEED these things done for them, but it sure makes me feel special when they are done. I have had a lot of life experience now, and I’m a little wearier than I was then. I have been through heartbreaks in love, miscarriage, birthing three children, a divorce, a heart attack, and I recently discovered I have asthma. So, sure, I can still open doors for myself, but when a man does it for me, it makes me feel special, especially when it’s my own husband, who could just leave me to fend for these things on my own because I am his partner and we are together for life. But he still goes that extra mile to treat me like a lady, and it makes me feel special. every single time he does it. It’s so nice to know that in my marriage, chivalry is not dead.
Well, that’s it. in a nutshell. the 12 most important reasons why I love my husband. As I said there are more, but this gives you the general idea. If you are a single woman out there reading this, keep your optimism about finding a special man to love and accept you. They are out there, and it’s a blessing to find one. I am happy to say I know this for a fact!!