Why Is My Husband Boring

Dear Coleen: My husband is so boring I find myself tempted by other men

Everything we do has to follow a routine – from the meals we have each day and the places we go on holiday to the nights of the week when we have sex

  • 16:09, 14 JAN 2016

Dear Coleen

My relationship is so mundane and I’m at the point where I want to do something crazy just to shake it up. It’s frustrating in every area!

I’ve been with my husband for six years and we’ve been married for four. We don’t have any kids yet, although it’s something we’ve talked about.

He loves routine and everything is run by it – we have sex on certain nights of the week, we have the same meals on the same nights every week, we go to the same places on holiday and so on. He even buys the same shoes and clothes he always has – it’s like anything different scares him.

Recently, I’m ashamed to say, I’ve been looking at other guys a lot because of this. I’ve tried to get him to break out of his routine and do something crazy like go out for dinner on a Saturday night instead of having spaghetti bolognese in front of the telly, but he won’t have it.

I guess I was probably happy doing those things at first, but now I’m not. I’m bored.

He’s a lovely guy – everyone says so – and at first things were exciting, but we’re like an old married couple long before our time. We’re both still only 28. Help!

Coleen says

Hey, don’t knock old married couples – most of them are probably having more fun than you right now! OK, on a serious note, I think you’re just in a rut – him more than you, obviously.

He’s way too comfortable, to the point where he’s jeopardising the future of your relationship and that’s what you need to get across to him – how seriously you’re taking it.

If kids are something you both want, you really need to cram in the fun now because when a baby comes along you won’t get the chance to do that stuff. Not for a while, anyway.

Go out for a meal (don’t take no for an answer) and tell him how you feel. You could even tell him you’re being tempted by other guys because the romance has dropped out of your relationship.

As with all habits, it’s hard to break out of a relationship rut, but it can be done! You need to put stuff in the diary, not just have a vague idea that you might go out on Saturday night. Take turns to plan stuff and stick to it.

Once you get on a roll, he might find he’s been missing the excitement, too. Don’t do anything silly until you’ve given things a proper go with your marriage.

My marriage and husband are boring. What should I do?

Vicki and Octavia, our mother and daughter agony aunts, answer your questions

7:00AM GMT 14 Nov 2012

Send your 50-word dilemma to [email protected]

I’m in my mid-sixties. My children left home a few years ago. I am married to a nice, decent man, and we’ve enjoyed contented – if uneventful – decades. I know I am lucky to have a man who loves me but that doesn’t disguise the fact that I am bored by him – and us. I’ve carefully mentioned my need for excitement to him. No change. Help!

VICKI Are you seeking permission to kick over the traces and take life’s pleasures where you may from now on? Can’t give you that, sorry. (We live soberly in my house.) Here are a couple of suggestions that may strike a spark: 1) Find a ballroom-dancing class (not easy, you’ll need to work on it) where you can learn that weird new Strictly-type, hippy-hoppy quickstep. That’ll work up a sweat. 2) Do an advanced driving course. What we’re both hoping, of course, is that Boring Hubby wakes up from his 40-year sleep and either gets jealous (ooh, exciting!) or joins in (ditto).

OCTAVIA Poor sod. How did you carefully mention it? Did you suggest excitements that he then pooh-poohed, or did you just bemoan your current lifestyle and expect him to come home with tickets to the Rio Carnival and a feathered bikini for you? My granny said only boring people got bored, so my inclination is that the fault lies with you. If you want more excitement in your life, inject it, and either take him along for the ride or be grateful that, when you’re all excited out, there’s someone waiting at home to make you a bowl of soup and ask about your day.

Why is my husband boring

I feel bored to be with my husband not only in bed but also out of bed.
I’m not talking about no ideas to spice up sexual life. I’m talking about I don’t feel any thrill or flush whenever he approaches me and my heartbeat pounds normally.
I don’t feel energetic or excited when going out for a date with him.
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I don’t get it really.

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Methnks this wasn’t apparant in the beginning. Usually this sorta thing happens gradually. and then WHAM. Methinks my wife is nearing th is way with me, i don’t know, but i know things aren’t the same as t hey used to be. I know she loves me the same, but the enthusiasm on certain things. just isn’t there like used to be years earlier.

To MsLonely, have you discussed this with him? Are you showing what you are saying in your actions, perhaps he is picking up on some clues by now. Would a vacation with just you two help, i don’t know what else to say, this is a husband’s worst nightmare outside an affair.

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Things aren’t the same as they used to be here either. I think it is unrealistic to expect the fire to burn the same way throughout the long years. Then it was massive blaze. Now it’s hot embers. The hot embers heat the house. It is different but good.

Where there was excitement, now there is deep trust of shared experience good and bad. Now there is tenderness and understanding.

The sexual desire is present but also different.

I like this way better than the blazing fire.

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Maybe it isn’t your H, but it’s doing the same ole things day in, and day out. Do something different. Do something that is so not you. Go somewhere that you thought you never would go.

Last summer we went to a mule pull, yeah you heard me right. My H wanted to go for years. I thought that is the biggest redneck crap. Last summer I went. We had the best time. I was yellin at my mule team to pull. He was laughing at me. The Quakers put this on. We saw their way of life. We had a great time. To this day we will laugh about it.

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Thank you all for good inputs and advice!
When I talked to my husband we should create "some sparks" in our marriage, he quickly agreed with me. It’s very obvious he also feels bored but he doesn’t know what to do, either.
Thus, not only women but also men need to feel excited in marriage life but after married, the fact is we spent more time in watching Tv, shopping for groceries, entertaining visitors, paying attention to the kid’s studies & school, and worrying about the unrepaired broken stuff in the house. etc. etc. than having a romantic dinner and outing with the spouse.
I don’t mean to have a peaceful family life with a certain level of working stress & boredom is terrible. It’s just boring year after year, everyday we repeat the same thing just to raise up the kid.
Gradually and certainly, the passion faded and the chemistry disappeared.
It’s getting harder and harder to keep the faith but getting easier and easier to fool around. To maintain the romantic feelings with the spouse in bed and out of bed is very important.

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