Weekly World News
BAT BOY: GOING MUTANT
By Frank Lake on June 21, 2013
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR HUSBAND IS A MORON
By Foxington Delaware on September 2, 2011
CHICAGO – If your husband is useless, it may not be his fault, a top sociologist says. He may just be a moron.
Sociologist Dr. Alberto Mireno, from Madrid, says a surprising number of men cannot comprehend the labels on ordinary household cleansers and don’t know how to satisfy their woman in the bedroom. They cannot understand how to cook and they don’t know how to make love.
“Too many women accuse their men of being lazy or boring when what’s really going on is that they’re mental midgets,” says Dr. Mireno, a visiting professor at Dartmouth College. “I think if women understood that, they’d get along better with their partners.”
Dr. Mireno based his conclusions on interviews with more than 1,900 married American men. Tests revealed that 41 percent of the men were so dumb that they were incapable of doing household chores. Another 67 percent failed a basic female anatomy test.
He agreed to share some of his test questions with women so they can quiz their men. Husbands who miss four or more of the questions below should be considered, Dr. Mireno says, because they’re too stupid:
1. YELLOWED AND STAINED CLOTHING can be brightened by washing with a) Tile cleaner b) Bleach c) Lighter fluid.
2. THREE POUNDS of chicken liver at $1.30 a pound would cost: a) $3.90 b) $0.39 c) $2.67 d) All of the above.
3. A CLITORIS is a) Cough syrup b) Name for a woman’s breast nipple c) Female erectile organ
4. MILK AND BUTTER can be found in this section of the supermarket: a) Canned goods aisle b) Produce section c) Meat department d) None of the above.
5. FOREPLAY means a) Watching internet porn b) Intimate psychological and physical acts c) Drinking beer
6. SWIFFER an CLOROX are brand names for: a) Cookies b) Cleaning supplies c) Sugar-coated cereals.
7, POLYESTER is a) Type of fabric b) A famous cookbook author c) A greaseless vegetable oil d) None of the above.
8. NUTRITION is a) The green mold that grows inside a refrigerator b) A chemical that makes laundry soft and fluffy c) A yeast used to make bread rise d) none of the above e) A and B
9. THE G-SPOT is a) In the kitchen, b) In the bathroom c) In your woman d) None of the above.
10. PREMATURE EJACULATION is a) When you masturbate before sex b) When your partner is satisfied first c) When you only last two seconds. d) All of the above
Correct answers (men): if you have to ask, you’ll never know.
All American Mother
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Saturday, February 9, 2013
My Husband Is Useless
My husband is useless. There, I said it. Honestly, I have no idea what purpose he serves other than being a pain in the butt.
Sure he goes to work, but he can’t support the family. I am working form home and putting in 40+ hours a week at a ridiculously low wage to help make ends meet. I could get a job outside of the home, but childcare rates in our area are insane. My field doesn’t pay enough to cover the costs of daycare and I really don’t trust those home daycares enough to use one. I found one that I kind of liked, but she close 3 weeks a year and at the time my job was only offering 2 weeks of vacation, not consecutively. The obvious option would be for me to take part of the time off and my husband to take the rest, but he said that was out of the question. He wanted us to have the same time off — probably for fear that he may have to care for the children while I was at work.
He also has a tendency to buy things he doesn’t really need, especially expensive electronic things and he also has a tendency to break things. Especially cars. His stellar driving skills have also made it nearly impossible for us to get insurance and the few companies that will take us charge an arm and a leg. I don’t blame them, I would too if I were insuring the worlds worst driver. He speeds up at cars that are stopped in front of him, slams on his brakes, swerves to miss them and then flips them off. All because he can’t be bothered to pay attention. He’s looking, but he’s not seeing what’s going on around him. It’s frightening.
So, I’m home all day with the kids. I wake up and do work on the computer before they get up, then I take care of the house and run the errands with them, then work while they nap, then cook dinner and pick up their messes before my husband gets home, then once he’s here I’m on the computer working again. If things are really busy, sometimes I have to do work while the kids play in the room I’m in. My husband complains how much I’m on the computer. I usually wind up working until I go to bed at night.
When my husband comes home from work, he has this annoying habit of grabbing my boobs and squeezing them. I hate that. I’m not opposed to a little manhandling at the right moments, but while I’m cooking dinner it makes me want to stab him. It’s even worse when the kids (girls) are watching. I don’t want them to think that’s an appropriate greeting.
We eat, then the kids go to bed and I work some more. When we were dating and engaged and living together, my husband would always put dinner away and do the dishes. He said that I cooked it, so he’d clean up. That stopped the day we said "I Do" and that was prior to kids when I was working outside of the home too.
Nothing is ever his fault either. Today, our snowblower wouldn’t start. I had told him before the storm to make sure it ran and to put the cover on it because it blew off. He didn’t for whatever reason — he was too busy, it was too cold, etc. and of course today it won’t start. There is 3 feet of snow on the ground and we are stuck in the house.
He will find a way to clear the driveway in time to take my car to work. His failed inspection 3 weeks ago and he has been taking mine ever since. He has zero mechanical knowledge and he won’t pay anyone to fix his car, so whenever it fails inspection he takes it to 4 or 5 stations and pays each of them $30 to have it inspected. They all find different things wrong with it, but since it’s an electronic system, all those things get put on the "to-fix" list and thus, the cost goes up. He doesn’t get that. Concepts like that are difficult for him to understand. So then he whines that he spent $150-$180 on inspections and he doesn’t want to put more money into the car. Then he uses my car for a month or so and starts talking about buying a truck. He drives 600 miles per week. A truck is not an option – we could never afford the gas. So then he reluctantly fixes it and pays several thousand dollars because each inspection station added to the list of things that are wrong and we repeat the process again in a year.
Meanwhile, the kids and I are stuck at home because we have no car. He takes my car to work at 8:30am and comes home at 7pm. It is a lonely, depressing, miserable existence. I hate it. When I get my car back, there’s always something wrong with it because did I mention that he’s the worst driver ever? He is. I’m not even joking.
I’m so tired of my life right now. I don’t know what to do. I hate the idea of being divorced so young, but I don’t know what else to do. I also know that if I leave him I won’t be able to find a job that pays enough for daycare for my 2 young kids unless I move 2 hours away and live with my parents again. I don’t know which idea is less appealing – the thought of living with my parents again or the idea of staying with my useless husband.
Why is my husband so useless
I swear he does it on purpose he doesn’t do anything with the kids doesn’t even do any house work he can’t even put a plate in the dishwasher I honestly feel like I’d be much better off without him he’s just added mess, I don’t know why he finds it so difficult he can’t even watch them for me than 5 minutes while I have a shower I swear I’m done. All the night feeds I do everything in the day I do all he cares about is football and his playstation i really am having enough sometimes I’d like just 5 minutes to relax
Mine is the same just had a massive argument with him he just doesn’t do anything the most annoying thing he does is criticise all the time asking I’m I sure I fud this n that right why is the baby crying .he promised to take care if the baby weekends guess what he intentionally brings an argument every Friday so he doesn’t do it and says oh I think u think u can do it best so I won’t bother again all he does is taking pics and calling family telling then the baby’s progress I’m so done with him
Men like that need to be be scared bonus either threatening to leave or just do it I.e pack a bag go to a friends or family members house for the night but not telling him so he comes home to find you not there.. That might tell him your serious as he may be thinking you won’t ever leave he’s got too comfortable and he need to be taught a lesson bother your hubbys xxx
I meant to say by not bonus lol and both your hubbys..
It really annoys me when men think this is okay. Mine wouldn’t dare not help out, so he may be crap at what he does, but at least he does it and acknowledges that he actually has it easy. I think men lack any intellegence or perspective to realise they have it easy. I guess mine probably helps because after our first was born he because the house wife after being made redundant and I went straight back to work so he knows its not so easy. Some men just need showing that this is not okay and that they may think there are no guys out there that can easily replace their lazy full of excuses rubbish but there really are so much better men out there than these idiots. You should prehaps tell them that.
Mummy to Eryn 08/04/2009, Robyn 08/12/2010 and Lena 31/10/2015