Why My Bipolar Husband Hates Me

I Hate "Bipolar" Selfish Fucks

I Have A Burning Desire To See Them Beat Down.

Posted in bipolar spouse

According to weblore Albert Einstein once said, The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.”

Which is why the spouse thinks that he can change and I don’t. He’s insane, and I’m not.

I will sit there and cry. I will get enraged. I will scream at him. People ask me if I’m okay a lot. Me? I’m just fine. Perfectly okay, thank you. The reality that I have these emotions when the one person that vowed to love me, signed a legal document to bind himself with me and has no intent to go to greener pastures decides to randomly hurt me at his convenience means that I am peachy keen.

Are we supposed to consistently feel this way toward a spouse? Probably not, but if you stick around you’re a lunatic to not be confused and hurt and flat out pissed off. In fact, I’m certain that you spend a good chunk of your time wondering what happened to you and how much of your life your going to waste on someone who doesn’t can’t care.

Be your own hero. If you’re like me, and I’m assuming you are, you’ve been a hero to so many people. Time to turn around and be that hero for yourself. Time to turn your wants into a reality. The spouse wont like it and they WILL try to sabbotage it. But by now you know their tricks. Rise above.

Dishonest Business

There are a lot of businesses that swindle. In order to get customers they will hide behind a new business name. It’s a shady deal.

Bipolar used to be called manic/depressive. Bipolar just sounds so much more humane, doesn’t it? It was an injustice for the medical field to rename this illness without alarming the public. That’s like renaming HIV to “cuddle coughs”.

The First Thing You Need To Do

I’m sick and tired of all of these “bipolar spouse” sites that tell you to remember why you fell in love with your spouse as a way to make things better. Who the hell does that work for? If anything it will just make you even more angry and sad that they duped you. You didn’t fall in love with someone that only thinks of themselves and only offers kindness because they think they’ll get something out of it. The person you fell in love with doesn’t exist. Bipolar is forever. Love will not cure it.

Instead, try to remember why you love yourself. Reconnect with the person you were when you thought you deserved love. Because honey, if anyone deserves it – it’s YOU! You’re the most selfless person in the world – and that quality was abused.

After you master this – it will be so much easier to figure out what YOU want. Do you want to stay? Do you want to go? How can you leave (no, really – not in an accusatory way. PLAN it!)? If you stay, what can you do to protect yourself from any more emotional harm? Write it down (preferably online where the spouse won’t find it). Be realistic – because it’s an ACTION PLAN NOT A DREAM!

Sweetheart, it’s time to take your life back. You didn’t make it this far because you’re weak. And you didn’t make it here because you don’t feel a need for change.

I briefly mentioned Bipolar I’s in my first post. My spouse is a II. Not as dangerous as a I. If you’re spouse has imposed physical harm or you think that he will – stop reading and get out!

Swallow your pride. He/she will kill you.

Another note – guys with bipolar wives. Please don’t feel put off if I generalize with “he” instead of “he/she”. My spouse is male and I’m only human. I’m not discounting you. It’s hell for all of us. Probably moreso for you. Having your wife beat the shit out of you isn’t just hurtful – but it’s harder for people to understand and I’m sure people judge you. I don’t even want to think about how it hurts your manhood to have them cheat. At least we women know that a lot of men run around. It’s still hurtful, but it’s almost expected.

With that being said, again – WELCOME! Relax. Comment. Read.

This is my blog. This is my blog where I write about the fucked up shit that my piece of garbage bipolar husband does. I do not respect him or love him unconditionally anymore. This is a conscious decision that is hard on my part as I am a very loving person. Thankfully I have two kids to dote on. As far as my husband goes – when he acts well I treat him well. When he acts like a selfish, worthless, dickweed pig – I treat him like one. He never gets my sympathy anymore as he feeds off of it.

For once, I’m putting myself first.

If you’re married to a bipolar, most of this stuff will ring all too familiar. If you’re married to a bipolar I – you have my sympathies. Mine is a II. If you are dating a bipolar – hopefully this blog will help you decide whether their path is worth yours.

Comments from bipolars that have anything to say other than “You’re right. I hate myself 24 hours a day.” will be deleted. You’re defensiveness is just another mechanism to try to lie to the public about how “worthwhile” you are as a human being. If, by some off chance, you actually are a decent bipolar – wait. The disease progresses. Most of us that married one had no idea how bad it would get.

If you are the spouse of a bipolar and want to wax grandiose saint about how you have to work with your bipolar to make it work – get a life. Seriously, the amount of time you waste on a human being that is just feeding off of your sacrifices with no intent on never hurting you again doesn’t make you a saint. It makes you a masochist.

Yes, I stay with my bipolar. But I would neither recommend it OR suggest that you give them ANYTHING they haven’t earned. Don’t “get over” the times that they’ve hurt you. It’s too significant, YOU’RE too significant to “get over” it. But you should learn to not be affected. It’s the only way to gain control.

My Wife, Bipolar, and I

Beka is one of our bloggers and her husband, Ron, wrote this post for our couples series. Read Beka’s accompanying post here.

I read somewhere recently that the divorce rate when one marriage partner has bipolar disorder is 90%. While it seems kind of high to me, I suppose I understand it. In the 12 years I have been married to my wife, there have been many times when one or both of us was ready to quit.

Let me start off by saying that I don’t know what it feels like to have bipolar disorder. But I do know what it feels like to live with it. I’ve sat helpless as depression brought my wife to her lowest points. I’ve spent nights afraid to fall asleep for fear that my wife would hurt herself. I’ve watched manic episodes chip away at the foundation of our marriage. And I’ve had to accept a two year old believing that I was the reason Mommy wouldn’t stop crying or wouldn’t get out of bed. Bipolar disorder can bring even the strongest people to their knees.

When we got engaged, my wife told me about her bipolar diagnosis at 21. She told me about her issues cutting, the suicide attempts, and the hospitalizations. She told me about the regrets she had for things she had done while manic. I think she was giving me an opportunity to walk away. But we were in love and that would be enough to get us through.

So I took it upon myself to become an expert. I read every book I could find, researched on the internet, found online support groups for spouses of people with bipolar disorder. My problem was that nothing I read sounded like her. And that gave me a false sense of security.

What I can tell you now, knowing a number of people with bipolar disorder, is that there is no cookie cutter mold of what the illness looks like. It can present differently in each person. There is also no definitive medication or treatment that works better than others. Again, it depends on the person.

The first few years of marriage were really hard for both of us. When a mania or depression occurred my wife wouldn’t let me help. “It was her illness, not mine.” “It affected her, not me.” So we didn’t talk about what was happening, didn’t work together to get through it. And after a while we acted like it wasn’t there at all. Gradually over time she started to accept that her bipolar disorder affected both of us. And I had to accept that I couldn’t fix her problems.

It took couples counseling for us to start working together. Now we feel comfortable talking about which medications are working. We let each other know when we see signs that an episode is coming. We both see therapists to help us cope with the illness. And we work together to make sure our son is able to deal with incidents as they occur.

There are still days when I don’t think I can do this anymore, days where I don’t think I have the strength to face another episode. So why do I stay? I can’t imagine what it feels like to have bipolar disorder having witnessed it up close and personal these last 13 years. But I have watched my wife find a way to get up on days when the depression was so bad all she wanted to do was stay in bed. She finds the strength to get dressed, to make our son breakfast, to put him on the school bus. She finds the strength to push through the sadness so that he doesn’t worry so much about her. I have watched her struggle with this illness while keeping a full time job and working on a graduate degree and trying to be the best mother and wife she can be. I stay because every day that she can find the strength to face this illness, I can find the strength to stand beside her.

My therapist tells me sometimes that my life would be much easier if I wasn’t married to my wife. And I’m sure she’s right. I could become part of the 90% and things would probably be easier and I could probably avoid a lot of pain and hurt. But if there is one thing I’ve learned in 43 years on this earth, it is: The best things in life are rarely easy. They take hard work, commitment and sacrifice. Our marriage may not be normal and it may not be easy, but it’s has been worth it.

Does my husband hate me or is it his bipolar

Every fight, Every disagreement, Every single thing that ever goes wrong is MY fault. He always turns it around and makes it ME. He is very selfish, always makes time to do things for himself (go to the gym, go out to eat, go shopping for a new guitar) even when basic chores arent getting done or our kids are home alone. and then he will complain about how much he had to do at home/kids. He makes empty promises "oh yeah kids, ill take you to the zoo next weekend" or "lets go on vacation for christmas" which ALWAYS change and leave someone disappointed. Weve all pretty much just learned to not take anything he says about doing things serious. He is paranoid that everything he does is wrong in my eyes and seeks my approval to extreme, and if he doesnt get his pat on the head, he withdrawls.

Anyways. you get the idea. You can read more in my diary or previous posts. Good luck to you, its a struggle and im right there with you!

My husband has not gotten better and I have to accept that he never will. My husband only sees his own disposition in life and at that everything is warped. I hate to use this example because he uses it all the time and it sickens me, but if anyone were to come and live with us or be around us, it wouldn’t take long for them to see what’s going on. He doesn’t hear a word I say. His priorities are wacked. His whole experience in our life has a whole twisted perception of what his life is with me. Yes I would agree that everyone has their own take on things but his is extremely warped. And he never seems to have any empathy or concern for his wife although he seems so sensitive to others around him. He doesn’t see beyond the nose on his own face and our psychologist has explained that he is not capable of ever giving me what I need, that I will have to look to family or church and provide my own needs, he cannot. Yeah it’s not fair and I may some day be the greedy ex that you are resenting right now. If you knew how much I’ve endured and what I’ve put up with. I have been foolish enough to think if we split it would be 50/50 no more. Now he is threatening to leave the country, leave me with our four children that he helped make, without health insurance, he’ll visit when he can afford a plane ticket and send money when he has some. Do you think I’m gonna let him walk if he decides to. As of a week ago these are my terms for divorce. Sign the house over to me. You walk with your car, your motorcycle and your 60,000 in credit card debt I’m not paying a penny of it. I didn’t do it, I stayed responsible and didn’t spend money that I didn’t have, I worked through 4 pregnancies, some up to the day I had the baby and went back six weeks after I had given birth, I’ve worked my ass of and been the one to be responsible for the children and us for 13 1/2 years while all he thought about was himself. Yes I’m sure to whoever he would end up with she would think I am not fair, but she will never know the hell I’ve endured. And I want $1,500.00 at least a month in child support if not more to raise my children. I will go from lawyer to lawyer until I find one that will represent me and I will not bend. I will not get the royal screw job from my uncaring, unthoughtful, abusive husband. He’s screwed himself.
And I should explain he is the one that threatens divorce because he claims I don’t give him enough or do enough for him and he imagines me to be the cause of his unhappiness-ridiculous.

Post edited by: damselndistress, at: 10/16/2007 07:22

Post edited by: damselndistress, at: 10/16/2007 07:35

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